Royal Baby

Kate's having a baby (hurrah!) and I, and almost everybody else, are very excited in an almost medieval kind of way. The security of our nation is at stake people!
...Wait...that's The White Queen. 
But is it a boy or a girl? And contrary to previous desperation for the boy and heir, this time either will definitely be King or Queen one day, so I really want it to be a girl.
In fact if it's a boy I will have a similar face as Edward IV (of previously mentioned drama) when he was introduced to his new born daughter. Disappointed.
One news reporter speaking this morning went so far as to place an 80 to 1 bet on it being a girl named Matilda. Properly medieval. Now that that thought is in my head I'll be disappointed with any other name too.
But it's bizarre isn't it? How much everyone is looking forward to this new baby, like it belongs to us all. I suppose it does really...we're paying for it I guess. And we've seen Kate and William grow up, get married; we paid for their house: we got a stake in this.
So basically I'm looking forward to that easel being put up in front of the palace that announces the new arrival.
I like that too. They got it right, these royals. It's refreshing that it's not going up on Twitter straight away. If I ever have kids, that's how I'm announcing it to the world: write it on a blackboard in front of my house, then pose on the steps outside the hospital to give the waiting press a first glimpse of the little squirt, as well as how glowing I look post-labour.
Beyonce had a hairdresser, manicure, facial etc..in the hospital with her. Do you think Kate does too? I feel sorry for her actually. She's suffering (I've seen One Born Every Minute) and there are a bunch of middle aged men telling the rest of us that all is progressing normally. Ergh. There's something wrong with that.
What a weird day. And what a weird life these people have. And yet, actually, right now they are just the same as the rest of us. It's good to know.
Anyway...good luck Kate. Name it Matilda. Or Jessica (excellent name). 

Rejected by Sunshine

Quite recently I heard in the news that we are going to have bad summers for the rest of eternity (well..20 years at least) and although this is quite a depressing thought it's not entirely unexpected. It's the same complaint every year.
I don't know what happened. I swear when I was growing up, the summers were glorious, and that wasn't so long ago. What's changed? Or perhaps through the rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia I'm brightening things up a bit.
But now it seems we're getting a two week heatwave. Woohoo! Those dungarees I bought might not have been a complete waste of money after all.
I shouldn't complain about a lack of sunshine really. I was in India, soaking it up, fairly recently. But I got used to that, and really into my suncream routine. Snow White here needs Factor 50 because although I love the sun, it does not love me. Now I don't automatically grab the Ambra Solaire before stepping outside, because there was a miserable, though protective, layer of cloud protecting me. And then the sunshine came out for 2 minutes at the weekend and I'm burnt. Burnt, wearing a jumper and sat under a tree. It's not fair at all.
So I've spent the last few days yelping at the hot water in the shower; vainly trying to move the labels and seams of my clothes into a less painful position; and matching my red work blouse to a disturbing degree.
Yesterday I went swimming (yes, I'm persevering!) and entered phase two of sunburn. Half an hour of being submerged in cool water and I'm peeling. I will apologise now to my fellow swimmers: I didn't know this was going to happen. I feel almost as bad for you as I do for myself. What you don't know can't hurt you though and at least you don't resemble some kind of lizard.
"Oh, your sunburn, " said a colleague to me, "it's wonky...that's annoying. You'll have an uneven tan all summer."
Pah! In my dreams! In a week I'll have shed my skin and be white again.
You see: it's very difficult to be me.
Do you think if I moved somewhere where there is always sun, I would eventually get some kind of tan? More likely I suspect, I would get skin cancer immediately and have to carry a parasol around with me at all times.
Thanks to the joyful news in the weather report I'm prepared now. Automatic suncream is back on the bill and I may dig out the giant straw hat from Goa. Sunshine, you can't drive me away.