Stuff about me.

We have been acquainted for a long time now. I have no idea who you are of course but I've been sharing my life, thoughts and probably sometimes shaky opinions with you for over a year by now. Time flies, eh? 

But here are some things you might not know yet. (Do not expect my bank details and address to appear here.)

A couple of days ago I managed to lock myself in the building next door to the shop where I work and didn't really know how I got there. It was like a very disappointing Narnia.

I lost the key to my locker, broke my bike and forgot my Oyster card in the same day.

Apart from the bike, things I own that are broken include my iPod, my laptop, the Internet of my PC, and almost all of the bags I own. And some of my shoes. 

Yesterday, 4 months ago I was in a hot spring in the Himalayas. 

Yesterday I moved all my bedroom furniture, cleaned the oven, did 3 loads of laundry, took out the recycling, watched a programme about why the descendants of slaves are better athletes, played the ukulele and wrote my name, date of birth and confirmed that I am eligible to work in the UK on 3 application forms. I did not complete the small essay questions that seems to be on them all. That seemed to much like hard work after inhaling oven cleaner fumes.

I have 5 spanners of various sizes in a row on my bedside table.

There are at least 6 books in my head that I think about writing but can't quite decide which one or how to go about it. 

I'm learning to write with my left hand because I once learned about a sailor who had to after his right hand was blown off with a canon ball. I want to be prepared. 

Tomorrow will be the first day I'm not working in 36 days. I'm excited.

Sometimes when talking to customers, I realise I'm not actually talking but making gestures and funny faces that convey my meaning perfectly. I suspect I'm talking to them directly mind to mind and now I have noticed this gift it will vanish forever like the elves from The Elves and the Shoemaker. 

Sometimes I change my handwriting on purpose, just for a little variety. I'm currently experimenting with a new style of A. 

I'm sleepy now. 

The trouble with the laptop

It is becoming apparent that my computer is letting me down here. As I type this blog (on my shiny new iPhone) the laptop is frozen and has been, on and off, for almost an hour. This is not the ideal circumstance for doing job applications. It's not even letting me see the ads yet. Gumtree (my eternal nemesis) crashed it on the Reception/Switchboard page.
If I don't get a job I'm blaming Toshiba.
The main issue I believe is that I didn't have anti-virus software for a while so it's probably got a cold or something. Yes....I know all about technology.
I also did not ever buy Microsoft Office so I can't fill out application forms. Small hitch. And because its such a heap of crap I'm not buying expensive gifts for it. I'd rather throw it away and get a new one.
Can't do that though until I get a job so COME ON!!!!!!!!!! WORK!
iPhone is helping of course. There is a handy gumtree app for the tragically unemployed. Can't send CV via app though which seems a bit useless. Maybe I did something wrong?? Highly likely.
Alright. My Internet appears to be slowly waking up. I will try not to rush it or it might throw another wobbly.
Considering technology is distinctly not human, and is cold and logical; it is also annoyingly highly strung. No one else I know seems to have this much trouble with their computers. I suspect that could be because they don't pick them on the basis that they are cheap and silver. I do. I am a fool. Next time I will invest.
I like that word when shopping. Investment. It justifies everything.
Maybe the computer will work better on ASOS website. That would be more fun for me too.
No Jess, stop procrastinating and apply for some jobs. N.B. this blog doesn't count as procrastination, it's work. An investment in my future career as a celebrated writer.
Besides I need something to do while laptop is thinking about the web page it's loading, loading, loading.
And we have a page. Suppose I'd better do my bit now then. Where's my CV?