What with tax self-assessment on the horizon, I feel now is a good time to admit that I don't understand money. I'm fairly sure most of it is entirely fictional. A million pounds is difficult enough a number for me to comprehend but I can break it down but working out what it could buy me.
Billions though? Imagine how fuzzy your head would be if you had to deal with those kind of numbers. Anything over a million is definitely monopoly money.
Not that I will ever have to think about that. This is my third self-assessment and I have managed to complete these forms with no idea how or why they work. While filling them out I have to phone my mum every seven and a half minutes and speak to one of the accountants that she works with. Hurrah for Gardner's Accountants.
I generally assume I will be paid some tax back as I am the mot unsuccessful business I know. Apparently I assume I can afford to work for free...which is bizarre.
My ambitions for money are uncertain. On one hand I am semi-sure that I will win the lottery soon. I pretty much have my bags packed for a world tour and am an occasional peruser of estate agent windows. When I imagine myself as an old and eccentric woman who dresses in purple, that is a very expensive red Chanel hat I'm wearing.
But I have been convinced I'm headed for the jackpot before and somehow the numbers came out wrong, or someone secretly swapped my ticket, realising as I did that it was the lucky one.
Anyway, I'd be very bewildered by my millions and would almost certainly have to spend it all immediately to take the pressure off my long starved bank account and get back to normal.
Right now, for once, I do have some rainy-day savings. However, I have cleverly managed to lock it in a place I can't touch...for a year! So I have money to spend that I can't spend. Lend me a tenner, would you?
But there is something kind of nice about not having money too. It's pleasantly bohemian. A world where your bicycle has to have a name because she's so important (Sybil if you're asking, in a ironic way as she would be a more obvious Rex) and free food/samples is almost as good as finding treasure.
Don't get me wrong I'm not living on the bread line here. But I am saying you enjoy things more when you live like a student. Keeps you young and creative, no?
Besides, as I've mentioned before I have no real desire for any job that involves making the kind of money where I can regularly go on the kind of holidays I regularly want to go on. Artistic types are rarely flush, are they? So perhaps the red Chanel hat will be from a second hand store and I'll work at a Buddhist Monastery so that I can see Halong Bay.
In any case, maybe I spent so much being a business this year that I will get a small fortune back in tax. Here's hoping (wait...I should not be hoping for that). First I need a P60 though, and if the people whose job money is would sort that out I'd be much obliged. I'm obviously not the only one with little interest in such banalities.
No comments:
Post a Comment