I don't have much luck with phones.
Two years ago I got a new blackberry, when they were good, remember? A month later it got swiped from my bag in a gay club while my friend disappeared into a sweaty crowd with some come-hither-eyed man.
So not only did I lose my phone, I also briefly lost my friend. And I lost an earring when some queen pushed past me in my frantic search. I liked those earring too and now they are gone. Kicked away by a size 11 stiletto.
But worse, the phone was gone after just a month of BBMing joy, and still worse I didn't have insurance.
So I had to fork out to replace it with a lesser model. Still Blackberry but it galls to downgrade. Especially when you have to wait 23 months to change it.
But finally the two year mark is here so yesterday I logged on to o2 and selected my brand new iphone. Confirm.
Only, when I pressed confirm, it did not take me to a 'where-do-you-want-this-phone-delivered?' page. It took me to a 'this-phone-will be-delivered-to-a-flat-you-haven't-lived-in-for-5-years-serves-you-right-for-continually-forgetting-to-update-your-address' page.
Well, shit.
So I got right on the live chat help thing, waited 15 minutes afraid to leave the computer even though I needed the toilet only to be told, once I'd explained the problem, to call 202.
Great thanks. Don't you know I hate using the phone?! That is why you invented live chat...for freaks like me who buy phones but are actually scared of speaking on them.
But I stayed strong and made the call.
"Now, I know this will make me sound stupid but here's what I've done..."
Woman from Leeds told me she couldn't do anything right now because the order hadn't been confirmed at their end but she took my actual address and said she's change it ASAP.
Great, so sorted.
In fact no. After not receiving any confirmation I phoned again.
"Sorry, I can't change the address. I can cancel the order though and you can re-order in 24 hours."
Thank you woman number 2, that's fine.
Sorted.
In fact, no. At about 4 I got an email telling me my order had been dispatched and would arrive in the morning.
What the...?!
Another phone call, this time to South Africa, who was very nice and tried very hard to be helpful. Unfortunately there wasn't a lot she could do seeing as my tragically fated iphone was by then in the hands of UKMail. I spent 20 minutes listening to o2's excellent selection of Hold Music while she spent as long on hold to UKMail.
At the end of the call she took the address I wanted it sent to, thanked me for my patience and told me it was the best call of her day. "Thanks for making me laugh and I'm really sorry it's not sorted yet."
Yeah?! You're welcome...I don't know why you are laughing though. Unless it's a me, and my plight. Although I am funny. I just am..you know..
So this morning a free iphone was due to arrive at some lucky stranger's door.
But I'm not having that. I logged on to UKMail and managed to re-schedule my delivery until Monday (the latest possible). I will come up with a plan in the meantime.
I lost one phone, damn it, I ain't losing another. Do you think UKMail has live chat helpline. I can't phone again...I just can't!
Two years ago I got a new blackberry, when they were good, remember? A month later it got swiped from my bag in a gay club while my friend disappeared into a sweaty crowd with some come-hither-eyed man.
So not only did I lose my phone, I also briefly lost my friend. And I lost an earring when some queen pushed past me in my frantic search. I liked those earring too and now they are gone. Kicked away by a size 11 stiletto.
But worse, the phone was gone after just a month of BBMing joy, and still worse I didn't have insurance.
So I had to fork out to replace it with a lesser model. Still Blackberry but it galls to downgrade. Especially when you have to wait 23 months to change it.
But finally the two year mark is here so yesterday I logged on to o2 and selected my brand new iphone. Confirm.
Only, when I pressed confirm, it did not take me to a 'where-do-you-want-this-phone-delivered?' page. It took me to a 'this-phone-will be-delivered-to-a-flat-you-haven't-lived-in-for-5-years-serves-you-right-for-continually-forgetting-to-update-your-address' page.
Well, shit.
So I got right on the live chat help thing, waited 15 minutes afraid to leave the computer even though I needed the toilet only to be told, once I'd explained the problem, to call 202.
Great thanks. Don't you know I hate using the phone?! That is why you invented live chat...for freaks like me who buy phones but are actually scared of speaking on them.
But I stayed strong and made the call.
"Now, I know this will make me sound stupid but here's what I've done..."
Woman from Leeds told me she couldn't do anything right now because the order hadn't been confirmed at their end but she took my actual address and said she's change it ASAP.
Great, so sorted.
In fact no. After not receiving any confirmation I phoned again.
"Sorry, I can't change the address. I can cancel the order though and you can re-order in 24 hours."
Thank you woman number 2, that's fine.
Sorted.
In fact, no. At about 4 I got an email telling me my order had been dispatched and would arrive in the morning.
What the...?!
Another phone call, this time to South Africa, who was very nice and tried very hard to be helpful. Unfortunately there wasn't a lot she could do seeing as my tragically fated iphone was by then in the hands of UKMail. I spent 20 minutes listening to o2's excellent selection of Hold Music while she spent as long on hold to UKMail.
At the end of the call she took the address I wanted it sent to, thanked me for my patience and told me it was the best call of her day. "Thanks for making me laugh and I'm really sorry it's not sorted yet."
Yeah?! You're welcome...I don't know why you are laughing though. Unless it's a me, and my plight. Although I am funny. I just am..you know..
So this morning a free iphone was due to arrive at some lucky stranger's door.
But I'm not having that. I logged on to UKMail and managed to re-schedule my delivery until Monday (the latest possible). I will come up with a plan in the meantime.
I lost one phone, damn it, I ain't losing another. Do you think UKMail has live chat helpline. I can't phone again...I just can't!
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