Unemployment and other stories

My Nanna has, for many years, wanted me to write a book. An autobiography maybe, about how difficult it is to be a "professional" dancer, whilst name dropping about all the rich and famous (and generally boring) who appear in my exciting life as a waitress.
I even picked a title: Unemployment and other stories. Hence the title of this blog. I bet you always wondered, didn't you?
I regret to inform you that these plans did not go ahead. Not least because unemployment is boring. Here's my day so far:

• Get up and eat breakfast in front of The Wright Stuff. Am unimpressed by Ruthie Henshall's make-up and any criticism of Kate Middleton but realise I kind of fancy the man panelist.
• Devise daily fitness routine to prevent me turning into a blob. I have unimpeachable intentions to do this everyday but already know...
• Get text from friend asking if I want to do hoola-hoop classes with her. Yes! Fitness routine is now dead to me.
• Shower and dress in the clothes of the unemployed: giant jumper (for the cold house) and leggings (for comfort while I'm napping).
• Paint my nails. One must look ones best.
• Send off some CV's. All hope is draining away since Matthew Wright informed me that this week 1700 people applied for 8 jobs at Costa. Ergh!
• Make pasta. Am already bored of pasta.
• Transfer all my saving into my current account. Well, all but 32p. I think that looks sadder than 0. Resolve to pay myself back and go on holiday ASAP.
• Fill out an application form.
• Get distracted by massively addictive game on iPhone: FreeFlow. I can't stop myself because it's a newly discovered talent. Really...I'm awesome.
• Finish my book, Engleby. Decide I'm not keen and should choose wisely at the library.
• Find myself drawn to more FreeFlow. Damn it.
• Think I should probably try to leave the house today. I am wearing massive socks though (which don't fit under shoes) and can't really be bothered to take them off.
• Damn...it's only 3.30. What else can I possibly do today?
• Begin blog thinking that it's at least work of sorts. Realise blog is quite dull today...but at least I'm giving you the true picture of unemployment.

I've been in this position before. Last time I was working for an agency that gave me too few hours. I developed a horrible sort of lethargy where I lay down a lot and snacked on chocolate digestives. I thank god for a good metabolism.
That time I was on housing benefit. I did not like this situation.
This time I have the ukulele which I'm now going to have a strum on. For the band you know. So far hypothetical band's repertoire includes:

• Ho Hey! -The Lumineers
• Hallelujah -Jeff Buckley
• Queen of the Savages -The Magnetic Fields
• I'm Yours -Jason Mraz
• We are Gonna be Friends -White Stripes
• Tiptoe Through the Tulips -Tiny Tim

I take requests and will master these songs and more by the time I'm in happy, full time/several part time employments.
Then of course I will pine for my golden days of leisure. We humans are funny like that.